I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just invented taco cereal.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
