So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
