no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize