i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
