wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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