I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize