omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
True strength comes from lack of pants
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
