We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
