so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
