just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
