is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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