how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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