if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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