she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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