you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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