i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
