after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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