Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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