May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
