Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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