My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
