Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
