it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
