A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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