he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How's work?
Spinning.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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