I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
