im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
