I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
