Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
