don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
