Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I could make wine with my vomit
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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