I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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