I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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