Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
