dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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