So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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