So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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