This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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