the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
