What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
