You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
