careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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