I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
