Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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