Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
