Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
