Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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