I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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