i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
