As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
