I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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