I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
