Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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