Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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