I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
this is an emotional support booty call
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
