Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
