I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
