Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
