She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
