Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
this hospital has no fireball
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
