Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
