i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
