Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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