you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
