Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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