THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
