I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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