We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
