You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
