You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
