do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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