Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
