halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
