I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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