A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
