Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
