sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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