i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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