i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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