She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
