a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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