I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
