just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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