I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize