end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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