Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
