I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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