I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
