I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
