ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
