highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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