i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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