There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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