The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
