God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
