I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
