I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
