Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
