thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
