I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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