i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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