Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize