Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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