Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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