i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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